Published January 8, 2006
As fruitful as regret
Looking away from whatever life begets
I’m turning away
I’m holding sway
Over the whole world
And I’m trying to slice it down into proportion
Photo album flipping
The old practice is slipping
And I’m not producing enough to flip through
I’m too obsessed
I’m too oppressed
I’m omniscient
I’m a coefficient
– Human in standstill
A human with no will
It’s sentimental
It’s nostalgia
It’s completely mental
That I’m sane enough
To live in the past
To live in old casts
in worn masts
Of ships long sailed without me
Shattered photographs fall in my dreams
A color rainbow littering
The butterflies flittering
Over memories
Over truth
Over youth
And over this I glide –
I’m a trapped life passerby
(just something i managed after weeks of poetic standstill. it's just a transition poem, i suppose.)
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I thought this was good. I liked the ryhming. It fit. It had no similar pattern through out the whole thing but it was still good. Nice content too. Good job.
it started out good, but then at some point, as tends to happen to me at least, you got hung-up on rhyming, so that every line had to rhyme, and then it was just cheesy, you know? And I think the last line of the first paragraph flows bleh. Cut it down some. Too many syllables.
K, I'm off, cheerio.
It was good but the rhyming scheme changed at:
It’s sentimental
It’s nostalgia
It’s completely mental
That I’m sane enough
Where it went 1212 instead of 1122... or whatever logic or numbers you want to potray for that.
It was a good poem. I liked it, better than anything I could write in that situation.